Cousin Ann

February 16, 2010

I am writing again because my cousin wrote something that is profound to me.  Maybe you’ll think, yes, of course, Cyndi, but I really didn’t get it.

“I don’t know about your body betraying you… cancer betrayed you.  Where does the cancer come from? I don’t know.  But it’s not part of who we are as healthy people.  Cancer is an invader.  Cancer is not you or your body.”

I don’t know why my therapist didn’t correct me with that very thought . . . ? . . .

Another realization that goes right along with what Ann wrote, my body did not and is not trying to kill me. My body actually sustained me and is sustaining me.

Then I thought about the whole stem cell process.  The very part of my body that was infected with cancer, my bone marrow, was the very part that gave me a second chance at life.

After three rounds of chemotherapy, the bone marrow was cancer free.  Then after elevating my white count with daily shots, my cancer free bone marrow was harvested and stored.  Having finished my chemo and BEXXAR and nearly killing me with the harshest of all chemotherapies, BEAM,  my bone marrow was transplanted back into me.  Eventually, the bone marrow began to produce cancer free blood.  There was absolutely no betrayal there!

I write in my blog; I just vomit out my thoughts.  Once I write and read my words, my thinking process begins.  I find that after I write and ponder, my perspective changes and I settle down.  This whole process is to adjust and accept, and I do believe that is being accomplished.

Thanks, Ann – and Christopher, too!