January 24, 2010
. . . I am not fearful of the future; I am just sorting out what happened . . .
I found excellent and helpful webcasts and podcasts to listen to concerning the topic of survivorship and life after cancer. You could interchange the word “cancer” with any trauma; divorce, loss of a child, severe car accident, physical assault, unexpected or unanticipated tragedy, etc.
In listening to these “casts”, I realized last spring is when I was anxious and fearful for my future. I had this cloud of doubt over my head not giving much credit to the “cancer free” proclamation from Dr. Cao.
This year I am acknowledging and sorting out my experience. I believe, and this is true for me, when a trauma hits it is human nature to find a coping mechanism to deal with the crisis, after the trauma has passed and the routine of life returns to “normal” is when all the emotion catches up to you. It is at that point we all handle crisis differently as we sort out and begin to make sense of it.
The only thought I have concerning my future is, at this time I don’t think I could go through chemotherapy again, let alone another transplant. But that is NOT now and something I need not worry about.
There are two words that were defined for me while listening to a webcast: Possibility and Probability. Those two words are words concerning my future.
Possibility is defined as potential. Probability is defined as likelihood of something happening.
My personal interpretation is I will not live in the probability of cancer returning but the possibility of living a long, adventurous life.
It’s about time to start planning some adventures! New York, Hillary? An African safari? Thanks to your idea, Marilyn!! Ok, Dale, camping . .