mantle zones, purpose and don’t waste your cancer!

As soon as I was diagnosed with cancer, I knew I never wanted to waste this experience.

Dr. Greg grabbed some paper and began drawing a diagram of what mantle cell lymphoma is and what it looks like.  His explanation was a “foreign” language as he went on describing how there are mantle zones that surround our cells and “blah, blah, blah” and mine were cancerous.  The drawings were helpful but regardless, my mind had been shot with a stun gun and I was stuck at stage IV cancer and it was called mantle cell lymphoma, a rare cancer and there is no cure.

But even in that paralyzing moment, my core stood fast in believing there was purpose in my cancer diagnose and purpose in all of this confusing information.  The first test of purpose was my trust in God and could I, would I explicitly trust Him?  My belief is God is sovereign and He is purposeful and trusting in who He says He is, PURPOSE became my foundation.  Little did I realize the great deep and dimensional growth I was about to experience – those drawings and mantle zones have not been wasted but were building blocks to a richer and more meaningful relationship as my faith was tested and God showed Himself true.

Yesterday I was challenged with how far am I willing to go in continuing to remain involved in the cancer community which really is a world all in itself.  Truly, I do not lightly follow the cancer blogs listed on my right side bar.  I am invested in their journeys, both good news and bad.  When the author doesn’t write an update after weeks from their last post, I wonder what has happened.  Since following these blogs some authors were told by their medical team there is nothing more they can do and to go home, hospice is available when they are ready and that is the last I read of them.  I am sad and I feel a sense of loss.

Weekly I hear of another person being diagnosed with cancer and I am sad that they and their loved ones are now traveling this bumpy road.  This road includes a calendar filled with appointments; the onslaught of information and new terms and words never heard before; tests, tests, tests; awkward conversations with friends; finding the right doctor; where to be treated; second opinions; distancing friendships and new friendships; tears and more tears and decisions that feel uneducated and second guessed.  I feel and empathize with their loss as they leave their familiar and controlled world behind and walk into this fast paced, anxiety-ridden, not knowing what is going to happen next world, a world that is out of their control.

Why do I remain in this often depressing sphere?  I don’t need to do this.  I can get out now, I am cancer free and I feel great.  I can leave this miserable and often fatal world and get on with my life as a cancer free person forgetting what is behind me and look forward to what is ahead.

Yesterday I asked a question, is there a purpose for why I remain connected to and involved in this realm?  Has God purposed me here?  Do I have a role and a place even as a cancer free survivor?  I don’t want to waste my cancer.

This Tuesday night, May 22nd, is the introductory meeting of F.A.I.T.H., Firm Anchor In The Hope, the first in this valley Christian cancer support group.  The idea for a Biblically-based cancer support fellowship simmered for nearly three years.  My friend Joyce, who is a breast cancer survivor and lost her sister to breast cancer, and I have talked about this need for a setting to discuss the spiritual side to cancer supported by the hope and encouragement in Jesus Christ and through the promise and comfort of Scripture.  Through the culmination of separate events in our  lives, we feel this support premise is needed more than ever before and now is the time to offer such a group.

I don’t want to waste my cancer and neither does Joyce.

In John Piper’s article, Don’t Waste Your Cancer, he states ten challenges.  When I first read this article at the start of my cancer journey, a few points were convicting and even offended me.  But in maturing through my experience, there is truth within each point.

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.
10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Two points boldly stand out: You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope and You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Yesterday I was challenged.  Am I willing to continue to walk in this world alongside those who are presently coping with cancer?  Am I willing to empathize and feel heart ache when the news is negative or terminal?  Am I willing to feel loss?

Yes.  The Bible pictures our eternal hope secure in God’s unchanging nature and promise as an anchor “for the soul, firm and secure.”  (Heb.  6:19)  I believe God’s purpose for me is to share there is  hope in cancer found in the truth and glory of Christ.

Your Voice

I tentatively step out to become a voice of encouragement to you and those you love.  In turn, I want to listen to your voice as you explore your “unasked for” role in cancer.

In my recovery from cancer my voice was buried deep inside me.  I had so many emotions; sad, lonely, relieved, confused, fearful, anxious, grateful, the list could go on.  I knew my complete recovery would come through expressing myself, to hear my voice sort through, adjust and accept my cancer.  When I was finally able to say to someone, “I could die!”, and that someone responded, “Yes, you could”, my healing began.  All I needed to turn around and begin living again was for someone to acknowledge me and my voice.

My premise and purpose for a Christian cancer support group and blog is evolving.  Little did I know the direction my vision would take.

My initial purpose was to offer a Biblically based support group and I am happy to meet with our local group.  Secondly, was this blog.  I created this blog for the support group as well as for the public as an information funnel of articles and links from the Christian community.

My purpose for this blog is shifting; not only is it an information outlet but it is becoming an avenue for expressing our voice, the voice of the patient, survivor, caregiver and friend.

Computer technology and opportunity amaze me, our world has literally opened up and we are able to connect with people we don’t know.  All the information we could want is at our fingertips.  My “older mind” is impressed with the more computer savvy and youthful generation in how they utilize and move around in the cyber world.  I am impressed with churches that have expanded their ministry and services through computer technology and communication.

The computer allows us all a voice without the face; that can be good or bad.  The good side is someone can express themselves or open up without the fear of criticism or judgement seen through body language; they can “verbalize” without interruption in a paragraph or two what is difficult to express face to face.  This blog can offer this “comfort zone.”

My friend Gail and I brainstormed on this concept.  Not only could this blog be an outlet for Christian articles, information and links but also allow you to anonymously and safely express yourself.

I created a new tab above called, “Your Voice” in which you can contact me, no one else can read your comments.  I set this up not as a “counseling” center but as an avenue for you to share your voice that may be buried deep inside you and you feel you can’t share it with any one else.  I will “listen” to you.  You can add a prayer request, too.  If you are looking for feedback, I will answer you.  I am hoping this will be a means of letting go and of healing, questions and answers, sadness and joy, prayer requests and praise.  After I verbalized the “secrets of my heart” my complete healing from cancer began.

As always, if you know of someone who might benefit from this blog site or our cancer support group, please forward my information on – thank you.

There’s no better time than the present . . ., by cyndi

Well, if God could tap his foot while waiting for me to launch this support group, He would be tapping right now.

This has been a stop and go process for years it seems, but really this has been on the back burner for almost a year and as the new year has come upon us so does the start up (or at least the offer) for this new Biblically based cancer support group called FAITH, Firm Anchor In The Hope. . . . . phew

I am generally a real go-getter when an idea embeds itself in my mind. Not only do I go-get I become a bulldozer in my pursuits to get the idea going and off the ground. But something is different with this one; this idea has marinated for a while.

At first, I had great, grandiose plans. I worked on flyers, church bulletin inserts, letters and even asked my pastor for a character reference letter. I planned on putting together a packet of information to give to various pastors throughout our valley and hopefully from that be able to leave literature at their church kiosk. That seemed all so overwhelming to me. Then summer came, then in September we took our vacation. I just kept postponing the start up date.

In the fall I saw a friend from a Bible study group that we were in together last year and she asked me if my group had started up yet. I said, “no.” She said she felt there was a need for such a group in this area. (first push) Then at a Bible study I attend the lecturer said something profound that I just couldn’t shake off. “If I don’t do what God asks me to do then why would He continue to instruct me in what to do?” (second push)

I began to work earnestly in introducing FAITH to the public. I decided to simplify everything by just handing out flyers at my Friday women’s Bible study. So I approached the leader and she was happy to accommodate me and invited me to come to her three other studies to hand out flyers. Terrific! So much simpler and I figured nearly everybody knows somebody who has gone through cancer so I typed a little statement at the bottom on the flyer that says, “Please pass this on to someone who might benefit from this cancer support fellowship.” And hopefully from there the word will get out.

So that was in November, that month passes. Then the Christmas season is upon us and it is hectic with preparations and parties and guests so I thought it would be best to make my presentation in January. Well here we are, in January.

My third push came today. After church fellowshipping over coffee and cookies, a woman asked me how my cancer support group was doing. I asked her how did she know about this? And she said it was announced from the pulpit a while ago when I was not there. Oooo. I can know longer ignore the call to service.

This group, FAITH, was my passion and then I became overwhelmed, then I became lazy. Now it is time to act in faith that God has a plan even if I am a bit apprehensive if this is a needed ministry here in this valley. I am afraid that there will be no interest but I can’t ignore how God pushed me along and simplified the concept for me. I will make this Biblically based support group available and let Him bring cancer patient/survivors and caregivers, too, to this fellowship of support .

I want to serve God and I don’t want to waste my cancer experience. Stay tuned to see what happens, I’m passing out flyers this week!!